


Ikeaified

by Terfle



Category: Wicked - Schwartz/Holzman
Genre: F/M, IKEA, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 09:34:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12478572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Terfle/pseuds/Terfle
Summary: IKEA opens in Oz and Glinda insists Elphaba should redecorate her dingy lodgings. Will Elphaba choose a Karlstad sofa or the Anita curtains in anything other than pink? Or just get no further than the restaurant?





	Ikeaified

Elphaba trailed behind her shopping companion glumly. Glinda was flitting from sofa to sofa with squeals of delight, touching all the covers and wondering out loud if she should decorate the living room in this year’s KARLSTAD to match the wallpaper. Elphaba couldn’t quite frankly, give a damn. This trip was supposed to furnish her meagre garret not Glinda’s extensive mansion.

  
‘Can we get on with it?’ she snapped, much to the disconcertion of Glinda who thought one should enjoy a shopping trip to Ikea. ‘Look at the opportunities there are to make your home as pleasant as it can be. You can entertain loads of visitors with this LUDDE rug. Look.’ Elphaba looked. She saw a grotesquely shaped sheep skin rug. ‘Not a chance in hell.’ She walked off to the bedroom department. And immediately regretted it when Glinda appeared with a catalogue of other horrors.

  
Like this wonderful FJELLSE bed, made for two. Elphaba did not want a bed for two; she wanted a bed for herself and nobody else. She wasn’t intending on sharing her space with some dude. Glinda merely scrunched up her pretty nose and went in search of ANITA curtains in pink. Elphaba rolled her eyes.

  
‘Oooh look! Won’t this go well in your bedroom?’ She pointed to the stupidly named ÅRSTID table lamp. ‘No. No it will not’ stated her friend.  
‘Oh this is cute!’  
‘Glinda, put it down. DOWN!’

  
The blonde one put down the picture reluctantly and sighed. Complained that Elphaba wasn’t making shopping easy. Elphaba agreed and stumped off towards the kitchen. Glinda stopped to admire herself in the FRÄCK mirror. ‘Oh I like this one!’ Of course she would.

  
Arriving at the kitchen department, Elphaba was none the wiser, she had to keep Glinda from measuring the SNODD knobs for her own drawers.  
‘Glinda!’ she screeched after the seventh time. ‘Just keep away from the knobs and handles.’ Glinda pouted for a bit and then spotted the most gorgeous DROPPAR spice jars. Just too cute.

  
That was it. Elphaba had had enough. Leaving Glinda to coo over some pretty shoe organiser, she told her on no uncertain terms that she was never going shopping with her again.

  
‘But we need to pick out some curtains for that miserable dump you call a bedroom.’  
‘Whatever, I’m going to the restaurant’ said the green one, slouching off to spaghetti and meatballs with ligonberry juice.  
This had not proved to be a successful trip.


End file.
